Are You Employed, Sir?

Employed? Uh, heh…

You don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that, do you? On a weekday?

Is this a… what day is this?

Escape from the Job?

The golden handcuffs.

I should be glad they’re golden. I’ve worked as an auto mechanic, in construction, general labor, as a security guard, dishwasher, barrista, clerk, pizza delivery driver and fast-food worker. I may hate working at a computer eight hours a day – but at least I’m not busting my knuckles, breaking my back, bored out of my skull, cleaning slop off plates, steaming the skin off of my hands while pulling ’spro for arrogant doctors, getting bit by dogs or coating myself in grease.

I have, by all accounts, a good job.

I have health insurance.

I have a pension package (although I am a long way from cashing in – if it still exists then).

Then why do I think about escape?

Eight hours a day stuck in the “chair pose” looking at an LCD screen is an unnatural act. No hunting and gathering. Other than some movements of my wrists and hands – not much movement at all. I spend the majority of the work-day inside my own head. Also an unnatural act.

If I we were to poll a classroom of fifth-graders for their ideal job… how many would say “sitting for up to 8 hours per day” (that phrase is actually part of my job description).

I’d almost welcome heavy labor some days – get the blood moving.

For now, the job keeps me from going to debtor’s prison – and it does have its moments where I do feel a sense of accomplishment. However, I could do most of the same work from home. I could do most of the work from Indonesia (hmmmm… how long til my job is outsourced?). Meetings would be a little more difficult – but isn’t it time we all learned how to use Skype?

The golden handcuffs are my reward – for showing up at the same time every day and staying the same number of hours, instead of working at times of the day when I can be the most effective. In exchange for giving up the prime daylight hours of the majority of my days, I get paid the same amount of money at the same time of the month. It doesn’t matter if it’s busy or slow, if I’m productive or lazy (within limits).

Doesn’t this setup encourage one to do the least amount of work as possible? I see quite a few people at work who have fallen asleep like this. It’s like they are serving a twenty-five year prison sentence (but they get to sleep in their own beds at night for good behavior).

Many cope by looking for creative ways to pass the work day (Thanks, R).

I need to seriously consider a new line of work before I fall asleep.

My options are:

1. Do as my parents did and get a job, sir! The bums lost! Condolences! The bums will always lose!

If that is how you feel about self-employed people, then you’re in the wrong place. Plus, I just had to throw another Lebowski reference.

However, I could keep the job if it still appears to be the best option after a year. What if the country sinks into a serious depression? A stable job would be key for thriving in those conditions (otherwise, one must live near the food…).

*Another warning sign* – my main motivation for keeping my job is fear…

2. Self employment.

IT consulting – need to learn more about consulting – my current work is too dependent on a particular hardware/software setup.
Writing – just need to finish that novel… then sell it…
Professional Surfer – not likely to happen (as the 8-Ball would say “all sources indicate no”).

Anybody out there want to hire me to work for myself?

3. Unemployment.

Also not an option. Even if I was financially independent, I would still be doing something productive or creative. It would just be done during the midday tropical sun after the surf blows out.

So self-employment is the obvious answer. Can I give up the shiny golden handcuffs, though?

Since I’m at a loss on where to go with the self-employment thread – I’ll leave you with some gratuitous Big Lebowski moments. From time to time, I may throw in a quote or two. If this offends you, you should probably call it quits right now – to me, the movie get better every time I see it.

Do you remember the Big Lebowski? If you’ve never seen it, you need to rent it.

Here’s the condensed version, which you can watch in 2.5 minutes (if you’re looking for the family-friendly condensed version, you shouldn’t be watching the Big Lebowski anyways – but the second version is more family-friendly)

Movie by LuTELLO

The almost-family-friendly condensed version:

Movie by BunnieLebowski

And finally, in case you need a plot summary (not family-friendly):

Movie by jmheather